Monday, December 28, 2015

Fun with freezers

Things I learned emptying our ancient deep freeze:

Plastic bonds with fruit
Crowbars don't separate frozen bags of soup
Old food smells awful
Chipmunks eat freezer crud in the compost
A 7 cubic foot chest freezer produces at least 10 cubic feet of compostable stuff
Even empty, getting those fuckers up the stairs is no fun
Punching youself in the face trying to rip open bags doesn't hurt that much, and the swelling is barely noticeable
Some smells do not wash out of your hands
Concrete can grow mold

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

and on Christmas Eve eve...

I got mad and said I don't want to spend Christmas with you if you're drinking.

This is getting to feel like I don't want to keep trying. Clearly it is time for a run. Endorphins make everything look better!

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Bah, humbug.

Welp, we got through a holiday party boozeless, and it was really nice.

It reminded me of why I married him, and why I am not giving up. But he is not making it easy.

I need to tell him this is not a consequence free choice, it's not life as it is with or without the bottle. I need him sans bottle. Or it'll be sans him.

Stupid alcohol. Why do so many of us have brains that try to drown us in it?

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

5 days, and then drink

I'll talk to him tomorrow. He went to a friend's house & came home drunk. Not fall down drunk, but wobbly and loud.

He actually followed the furnace salespeople out the door to keep chatting. Kinda funny...

Maybe we should skip Friday's party. I don't want to go if he's going to drink, and I don't trust his words about drinking, his goal seems to be to avoid conversation.

One day at a time. This was not a good one, but there have been worse.

Monday, December 14, 2015


Life for me is always good, I am a delusional optimist.

But sometimes even I have to admit that some shit is too deep to get out of on your own.

That shit is booze. My spouse drinks too much, and it hurts. It hurts me. It hurts the kids. It hurts his family. Working around his drinking takes so much out of me.

This can't keep on like this. He'll end up smashing the car, or just get sicker and drunker and more awful to live with.

So what am I doing? Talking. To him. To his brother. To my parents. Writing. He has letter #1, the next 2 are drafted. I can't make up his mind, but I can let him know that his drinking is a problem that is hurting many people, and making his kid's anxiety worse.

I have asked to go with him to talk to his doctor. I'm giving him letter 2 today, which just puts this in writing.

I haven't threatened to kick him out. I've thought about it and talked to people about it, but I'm not able to tell him yet. That's going to be hard. I love the dude, boozy though he is, and don't want to lose him to a fucking bottle. But I might.

Talking to people has been awesome. Everyone knows several people who had drinking problems, and sadly, some who died of them. This is such a common and horrible problem, why do we make it worse by attaching shame to it? Fuck shame. That bullshit is used to control us. I mean, yeah, some things are shameful...but not being ill, or having consentual sex, or struggling to stop an addiction, whether it's smoking or alcohol or other drugs.

I don't know how this will go. I told him last night I was sorry I hadn't said anything sooner about his drinking, I was waiting until I was perfect. I meant until I'd dealt with my own red wine binge drinking issue, which, no shit, ended when I quit red wine. Humans are masters of self-delusion. Anyways, I am fine, and I am talking, and he is getting better at listening. Keeping it to how it affects me and the kids and what I want him to not do is direct, pretty easy to get out, and up to 3 days ago useless...but I am not giving up.

Letter #2. May #3 end up shredded.