Booze

Life for me is always good, I am a delusional optimist.

But sometimes even I have to admit that some shit is too deep to get out of on your own.

That shit is booze. My spouse drinks too much, and it hurts. It hurts me. It hurts the kids. It hurts his family. Working around his drinking takes so much out of me.

This can't keep on like this. He'll end up smashing the car, or just get sicker and drunker and more awful to live with.

So what am I doing? Talking. To him. To his brother. To my parents. Writing. He has letter #1, the next 2 are drafted. I can't make up his mind, but I can let him know that his drinking is a problem that is hurting many people, and making his kid's anxiety worse.

I have asked to go with him to talk to his doctor. I'm giving him letter 2 today, which just puts this in writing.

I haven't threatened to kick him out. I've thought about it and talked to people about it, but I'm not able to tell him yet. That's going to be hard. I love the dude, boozy though he is, and don't want to lose him to a fucking bottle. But I might.

Talking to people has been awesome. Everyone knows several people who had drinking problems, and sadly, some who died of them. This is such a common and horrible problem, why do we make it worse by attaching shame to it? Fuck shame. That bullshit is used to control us. I mean, yeah, some things are shameful...but not being ill, or having consentual sex, or struggling to stop an addiction, whether it's smoking or alcohol or other drugs.

I don't know how this will go. I told him last night I was sorry I hadn't said anything sooner about his drinking, I was waiting until I was perfect. I meant until I'd dealt with my own red wine binge drinking issue, which, no shit, ended when I quit red wine. Humans are masters of self-delusion. Anyways, I am fine, and I am talking, and he is getting better at listening. Keeping it to how it affects me and the kids and what I want him to not do is direct, pretty easy to get out, and up to 3 days ago useless...but I am not giving up.

Letter #2. May #3 end up shredded.