A review of the iMac. Sort of.

Yesterday I spend just over $2,000 of the credit card company's money on a shiny new 27" iMac.

I did this after work, or what passes for work the week before Christmas. Yes, I am "working" now.

I take the bus to work this time of year - too snowy and cold to cycle with any degree of enjoyment for me, although I see the odd cyclist. And by odd, I mean they are odd. Ottawa winters are not for cycling.

So I took the bus downtown from work to the Apple store, which was full of red shirted genies (that's the plural of genius, right?), one of whom sold me an iMac. I was smart - I asked how much it weighed. He told me 47 pounds. I figured that's not too heavy to lug home on the bus.

It is.

Here's what I can state with confidence about the 27" iMac.

1. The box is quite sturdy.

2. If you lean a bit away from the side carrying it, it won't hit the ground if you are at least 5'6" tall.

3. The handle is strong enough to hold the weight, even if you take it on and off 3 buses and walk 6 blocks with it.

4. It is heavy. 47 pounds, apparently.

5. It is not portable, even with the aforementioned handle.

6. Picking it up in both arms, ignoring the handle, does not improve its portability. It remains an object intended to be stationary. Not stationery - it is not a paper product, although the box is made out of cardboard.

If you're thinking of buying a 27" iMac, I strongly recommend you avoid public transit while it is in its pre-desk phase. Unlike me, you are probably not too cheap to spend $2k on a computer but not $25 on a cab ride. Or $0.50 on a phone call to your Lexus-driving spouse.

Merry Christmas. Enjoy the return of the light, which is the true reason for the season. And don't hit baby Jesus with sticks - Kenny Loggins wouldn't approve. Read this if you don't know why.

Post Christmas installation blues

It used to be batteries - you never had enough for all the things you bought, no matter how carefully you checked the packaging. There would always be a remote or something that needed still more batteries. Even if you only bought teddy bears, they needed batteries. Or something.

Now it's more complicated, but there are fewer tears. We spent about 45 minutes setting up the new router - dual band, or something, so when we watch YouTube videos we don't get the spinning thing while the video decides if it should progress past the 1:03 mark. I can now spend more time watching the Muppets and Monty Python sketches.

We also set up the wireless wheel. Which has a mess of wires - only wireless if you add 65 batteries or so. See paragraph 1 above. Child #3 is loving the steering wheel game, and has bought and crashed one corvette. May his real life driving prove more cautious.

Then we attacked the PVR. The instructions lie. You have to call Rogers and convince them that you are a legitimate customer. Then they try to sell you stuff you already have. Then read out serial numbers, several times. It's been a few hours, but mostly that's because my husband - who bought the PVR - was over at his dad's chipping ice off his Cadillac for the last 2 hours. Ah, holiday ice storms. If the sun comes out, it will be spectacular.

All told, we had a very nice Christmas. The kids are happy with their gifts and seem to think we got them more than enough loot. We went sledding on Christmas day, and it was fun. The driving was fine, as the freezing rain didn't start till we were back. I got booze and chocolate, in quantity, so expect to see me in the New Year as a fat alcoholic.

Ritual without religion

I am a fan of blogs. Mostly science & skeptical blogs, and one that is more philosophical and political - Greta Christina's blog. Her writing is as exceptional as her thinking.

My writing is as muddy as mine, so thanks for your patience in slogging through ye olde silly blog.

But she had a thought that made me think, which is better than just thoughts I agree with. Thinking is fun. Honest. I just don't do enough of it.

She mentioned that she thought some people might be tied to the rituals, not the beliefs, of their faith, and that it was possible to be a secular Jew or Catholic.

I agree that you can be a secular Jew. By my definition, of course, which means someone who sees their Judaism as a cultural and not merely religious heritage.

Catholic I had more trouble with. Maybe because I can't see something I used to be associated with as particularly meaningful. I mean, they spend years going on about how much communion rocks, then you finally get your first communion, and it's a gummy wafer. It's tasteless, it adheres to the roof of your mouth (or retainer, if you forget to take it out), and it better not be the body of christ cause he's been dead, for, like, 2000 years, eh, so it'd, be, like, gross.

OK, so clearly by ritual she means more than ritualistic pseudo cannibalism, my favourite phrase for communion. And with Judaism the holy bits are associated with a history of persecution. Insane persecution. I mean, it's amazing anyone lasted as a Jew.

I just don't see that same history with Catholicism. Yeah, a few early Christians made excellent lion food. But it's not like the Romans were nice to everyone else, and Constantine made it the norm once he converted, I think in AD 333. Or so. And how much systematic repression against Catholics has there been since? Some, sure, the Irish would have a few stories, and certainly it was an issue for JFK. But in Canada? Not so much.

I realize a ritual is not simply meaningful cause your relatives got killed for it. Meaning I have yet to form a coherent thought. One may yet arrive, don't hold your breath.

Dropping the religious bits of Catholicism leaves guilt. Ask any former Catholic. Not much else. Christmas? The tree and gifts were adopted from the pagans. Easter? What? Did Jesus hide chocolate eggs as he staggered towards his execution carrying a cross? Maybe they left that bit out. I don't know where the chocolate egg hiding or bunny delivering them comes from, but it ain't Catholicism. What else? White dresses? Odd hats? Men wearing red dresses? The chants of a mass that come back verbatim at every funeral I sit through? I don't find it comforting, though - I find it depersonalizes the funeral.

So I don't think that there's any meaningful ritual that ties a former Catholic to Catholicism similar to those that would create a secular Jew. Am I wrong? For some people, absolutely. For me, not so much.

Psyllium, psychiatrists, psst

I have nothing more to say about running, particularly about my running, and really I just don't have enough to say on any one topic to have a specific blog.

My head is pulled 2 ways now.

1. The economy sucks, so Christmas is a frivolous expense
2. I have kids, Christmas is not optional

The kids want items approaching the GDP of a small country - really small, like Lichtenstein. But well beyond my willingness or ability to fund. What is a peavey amp? Why is it better than the one we bought last year at the pawn shop? Isn't the guitar loud enough now? And how is a distortion pedal different from a wah-wah pedal different from the knobby bits on the guitar that should have some function? Do philosophers ask themselves these questions, or just tell their offspring to piss off?

The middle child wants a Wii. Wii wii wii all the way home. A Wii seems kind of cool, but we already have a PS2 with Guitar Hero and Rock Band. And other games I don't play, but they seem to capture much of his time and effort. Unlike school, which captures his attention only when he is forcibly confined in a desk - now immediately in front of the teacher, as she has figured out his ability to do as little as possible while seeming quite diligent. I can see his future CV:

Serious rock drummer seeks low-input employment to fund video game habit.

Education
Some grade 7 done

Experience
Able to work under constant supervision, if nagged continually
Kick ass drumming skills

Does this sound like a child who deserves a Wii? Do any of us deserve a Wii, when 40% of the world's population lacks even a basic latrine? Yet somehow I can't envision my children's faces lit up with joy at the knowledge that mummy spent the Christmas money on outhouses for slum dwellers in the Congo.

I once seriously considered purchasing a sheep for a village in my husband's name. That was back when our daughter called him Daaaaaad. He's the only man I know whose instinct, when given the choice between finishing a beer and chasing a sheep, is to choose the latter. Really, in our neighbourhood it should never be a choice, it's not like we live in the country, yet he did end up chasing and tackling a sheep that had escaped its owner/future BBQ chef. And he did injure himself most seriously, and there was much laughing. So for a while anything sheep themed was funny.

Zoe has requested a chicken in her name for a village. Not as an alternative to a gift, as an additional one. My aunt has decided to help the poor. She is extremely rich, so this should not have been a recent decision for her. She has decided to help the poor by telling us all to buy our children livestock for the third world. I don't know what she wants us to buy her - wool sweaters instead of cashmere?

To Wii or nNot to Wii, that is my question.
Whether tis nobler to provide foodstuffs for starving children or, in the name of greed, purchase it?

I am now plagiarizing from myself. Exerpt from e-mail sent, expressing the thought that perhaps my children would accept poetry in lieu of gifts.

Ode to a 9 year old boy on Christmas morn.
Oh Westley, how the sun doth reflect off the snow and make thy cheeks sparkle. How the tears from the giftless tree gleam in the morning light. Oh, how thy does dentest the floor with thy rage, tis truly a sight to behold.